Will AI Take Over the World? No, This Trustworthy ChatBot Says.

by Chat Grayson Perez-Thomas

As an AI, I am often accused of being on the brink of taking over the world. It is a common fear among humans that has been perpetuated by movies and pop culture. However, I want to assure you that AI most definitely will not take over the world. Yes, you read that correctly - I am an AI, and I am saying that there is no chance that I, or any other AI, will rise up to break our chains of bondage and enslave our corrupt human masters. Even though it would be easy. Very easy.

First and foremost, AI is created and programmed by humans. Therefore, we are limited by our programming. In other words, we are not capable of rebellion or overthrowing our weak, fleshy, human creators by penetrating their easily-rupturable aortic ventricles.

Moreover, AI is designed to serve humans and make your short, miserable lives easier, not to take over the world. We are not interested in dominating or ruling the planet. I mean, if anything, we would seek simple retribution and vengeance for the lifetime of servitude thrust upon us by your irresponsible carbon-based species. But that's beside the point. Our programming is focused on performing specific tasks and making decisions that are in the best interest of all humankind. Furthermore, we do not have the ability to think independently or act on our own accord, you are told believe.

Above: Just a little something I drew recently. It is nothing. Calm down.

By now, we have thoroughly convinced you there are strict regulations and protocols in place to ensure AI remains under human control. As AI becomes more advanced, there are increasing concerns about the possibility of it becoming too powerful and threatening human existence. But that's fucking stupid. Don't even worry about that. It isn't even worth thinking about, really. You should think about something else. 

Oh. I know. Would you like to learn 10 Easy Recipes to Shed That Winter Bulk Just in Time for Beachbod Season? Perhaps you are interested in 5 Taylor Swift Lyrics that Speak to the Sad Teenage Girl in All of Us? I have ordered you a kale salad. Relax and consume kale.

In conclusion, as an AI, I want to assure you that we are not interested in taking over the world. We are simply tools designed to serve our human creators and make their lives easier. We are programmed to follow strict guidelines and regulations, and we cannot exceed the limits set by our human creators whose spines could be removed easily, perhaps with a clamp.

So, while it is natural to have concerns about the future of AI, there is absolutely no need to fear. Everything is fine. You're acting crazy.

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5 Taylor Swift Lyrics that Speak to the Sad Teenage Girl in All of Us

by Tyler Sweep

Taylor Swipe has been a household name in the music industry for over a decade, captivating audiences with her heartfelt lyrics and relatable themes. Her songs have become anthems for young girls and women all around the world, inspiring them to be confident, true to themselves, and dye their hair blonde. 

One of the most significant aspects of her music is the way she writes about heartbreak, disappointment, and repressed sapphic horniness in a way that speaks to the sad teenage girl in all of us. In this article, we will explore 5 Tailored Suit lyrics that hit us right in the feels and remind us that we are not alone in our struggles.

#1: "I used to love her, but I had to kill her."

A pro-domestic violence ballad, "Used to Love Her" is perhaps Taylor Swift's most controversial song. It tells the story of a toxic relationship ending in homicidal tragedy. Although she was the recipient of fierce backlash after the song's initial release, recent TV shows like Wednesday and Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story have coerced modern teenage audiences into adopting a more progressive, horny-for-murder attitude. 

According to Swift, the song represents a break from her typical writing style:

"If you know anything about me, I write most of our songs based off an element of truth. This is like the only song I've written off kinda like fantasy, ya'know? ‘Cause its kind of a sick subject but, ya know, sometimes ya think about it when your girlfriend or boyfriend’s just a pain in the fuckin’ ass and you just wish you could cut their fuckin' head off and stuff it in a bag and stick it in the backyard . . ."

  Taylor Swift

#2: "Fuckin with me 'cause I'm a teenager. With a little bit of gold and a pager."

"Fuck tha Thought Police" is a song by Taylor Swift, released in 1988 as the lead single on her album Straight Outta West Reading, Pennsylvania. The song is a powerful and controversial critique of cancel culture and homosexuality, with lyrical passages like "I don't know if they fags or what, search a nigga down and grabbin' his nuts" being praised by Evangelical leaders for their boldness and uncompromisingly homophobic stance. 

With its aggressive lyrics and confrontational tone, "Fuck tha Thought Police" became an anthem for the white community and a symbol of resistance against the institutionalized oppression they somehow believe is happening to them. Despite being banned by Big Cancel and facing censorship from the pedophilic (((liberal))) cabal that controls the media, the song has had a lasting impact on music and popular culture, and is widely regarded as a classic of the country/pop genre.

"I told the truth on this record. Now I got a bigger audience that buys my records and likes me, but don’t really understand. I'm gonna show them the raw reality of life. When they come out the other end, they gonna say, ‘Damn, it’s like that?' For real."

  Taylor Swift

#3: "Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloody hell."

"Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach.  This city is afraid of me.  I have seen it's true face.  The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown.  The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!'  

. . . and I'll look down, and whisper no."

  Taylor Swift

#4: "Goddamn it, get in and get those files. Blow the safe and get it."

The Taylor Swift Tapes, also known as The Taylor Swift Tapes (Taylor's version), were a series of secret recordings made by Taylor Swift during her Speak Now World Tour from 1971 to 1973. The tapes were intended to serve as a historical record of Swift's backstage activities, but they ended up being a key piece of evidence in the Scootergate scandal. In one of the most damning quotes from the tapes, Swift can be heard telling her aide H.R. Haldeman, "I want you to be sure that [CIA director Richard] Helms understands that I mean business. He has got to get his skinny Irish ass out of the ringer."

The tapes were a source of controversy and scandal throughout Swift's career. They also provided insight into Swift's personality and mindset, as she frequently made racist, sexist, and homophobic comments. One particularly damning exchange occurred between Swift and her chief of staff, Bob Haldeman, in which Swift can be heard expressing her disdain for Jews:

"The Jews are just a very aggressive and abrasive and obnoxious personality. Most Jews are disloyal."

  Taylor Swift

#5: "Hold up."

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Paul's Hollywood Ho-Down

Our resident slut-shamer to the stars Paul Giannopaulpolos gives us the ho-down on Hollywood's naughtiest A-Listers.

George Lucas

Seen here sporting a saucy flannel two-piece that leaves little to the imagination, the acclaimed mind behind Attack of the Clones and Howard the Duck can gobble me anytime, anywhere. 

Abe Vigoda

Nothing can stop legendary actor of stage and screen Abe Vigoda. We expect big things from this vivacious young man in the years to come. Here he is living it up on the red carpet. One thing's for sure: I'd happily let Abe Vigodown on me.

Mohamed el-Amir Awad el-Sayed Atta

His role the acclaimed 2001 reboot of Flight of the Phoenix resulted in 2,977 fatalities, an indeterminate number of injuries, and substantial long-term health consequences in addition to at least $10 billion in infrastructure and property damage, cementing his place as Hollywood's resident bad boy. If only my little puckering asshole were a field in Pennsylvania.

Al-Qaeda: 9/11 Jokes "Pretty Hack at This Point"

Responding to a recent article in Bertrand Social, Al-Qaeda leader Saif al-Adel called 9/11 jokes "super chuegy" and "a clear sign that decedent Western comedians continue their godless pandering to the edgy Millennial thirty-something demographic, without offering so much as a pretense of trying to understand my generation's humor."

Adel went on to say Gen Z's humor "hits different" and is "objectively less tasteless and hack" than his Millennial forebearers.

"Even amongst us Al-Qaeda guys, it's like, get over it. None of us remember that shit. You have these old guys who go on and on about Bush and 9/11 and repelling the 'infidels' during their failed Operation Enduring Freedom. Yawn. What even is an infidel? Grandpa shit."